I have never thought of myself as an exceptional or talented dancer. Hardworking, diligent, dedicated, yes. But talented? Ia��m not so certain. In reality, I have only always seen my inadequacies. The inadequacies that I continue to see even now. My daily practice is an effort to fill those gaps. Those places that I am lacking. It is a continuous struggle to get better. In reality, better never seems good enough.

People say Ia��m good. That they are inspired by me. Inspired by my work. I am pleased. Truly. It makes my effort worthwhile. But, all the praise fades away in moments. I am immediately back to finding out what I could have done better. Perhaps I can take some time to enjoy the praise. In reality I try very hard. But all I can see are gaps that I need to fill. Gaps that I need to make sure dona��t exist by the time of my next performance. Once those are done, perhaps I will be good. However, there always seem to be new gaps and new things to fill. New things that I find inadequate. The practice never ceases. I seem never satisfied.

Yet I am supremely satisfied and content in the practice of dance itself. My inadequacy doesna��t take away from the joy of dance. So the practice continues. For how long, I am uncertain. It seems however to be endless, incessant, long and insatiable. I am thankful for it. For if it were satiated, my life would seem pointless.

 

“Repetition is the mother of excellence and the purveyor of skill”

– Rukmini Vijayakumar

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4 responses to “Insatiable Practice”

  1. Guru Prasad says:

    You speak no more than your mind because you speak it as it is.I would call you “lucky” and also praise the hard-working, diligent and dedicated being that you are.
    I watch you every day and learn a little bit.
    I’m not anything that you are.
    I have been trying to deal from the other end of the spectrum in a real sense. Music moves me.
    It does everything. I feel taken over. Language, identity, world fades away. I become the sound. I swirl sometimes and fall like a crippled sometimes.
    This existence, O Shiva!
    These rhythms, O Nataraja!
    My 8 year old cousin Shylaja and myself
    We are too proud because of the way we sway!
    I’m 23 and I feel ache for not being able to get on a stage.

    Keep at it.We are blessed.
    The sounds are his
    The methods are his
    The rejoicing, ours.

    Love and Blessings from Chidambaram.
    Om Mane Padmaham!

  2. RP says:

    How articulate ! You have wonderful clarity in your thoughts and your singular focus on your art is something to behold. I’m genuinely curious how this came about. Were you always deep in thought as a child? Was there a turning point in your childhood or later on when you made the decision to give yourself to dance? Would love to hear more of your personal story!

    • rukmini says:

      Thank you. I decided to dance full time after high school. It was a very difficult decision, but I have my parents to thank. They supported me. I think that my focus comes from them. They made the environment suitable for me. I’m not sure where else.

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