I have never thought of myself as an exceptional or talented dancer. Hardworking, diligent, dedicated, yes. But talented? Ia��m not so certain. In reality, I have only always seen my inadequacies. The inadequacies that I continue to see even now. My daily practice is an effort to fill those gaps. Those places that I am lacking. It is a continuous struggle to get better. In reality, better never seems good enough.
People say Ia��m good. That they are inspired by me. Inspired by my work. I am pleased. Truly. It makes my effort worthwhile. But, all the praise fades away in moments. I am immediately back to finding out what I could have done better. Perhaps I can take some time to enjoy the praise. In reality I try very hard. But all I can see are gaps that I need to fill. Gaps that I need to make sure dona��t exist by the time of my next performance. Once those are done, perhaps I will be good. However, there always seem to be new gaps and new things to fill. New things that I find inadequate. The practice never ceases. I seem never satisfied.
Yet I am supremely satisfied and content in the practice of dance itself. My inadequacy doesna��t take away from the joy of dance. So the practice continues. For how long, I am uncertain. It seems however to be endless, incessant, long and insatiable. I am thankful for it. For if it were satiated, my life would seem pointless.
"Repetition is the mother of excellence and the purveyor of skill"
– Rukmini Vijayakumar